What If I Told You?
by TheDarkPassengerInside
Summary: One-shot. Merlin's thougts about telling the truth to Arthur, while he was waiting for him at 4x03. Not slash, but it depends on how you want to see it. Based on a song that I think really fits them called "What if I told you?" by Jason Walker


**What if I told you?**

All I can think while I am waiting for Arthur to come out is what would happen if I ever tell him about me. He will hate me now. And it's my fault. But what if I had told him before? Would he hate me then? Would he kill me?

My mind slowly drifts away, in a scene that I have played too many times in my head.

"_Arthur, I have to tell you something. But please don't see me differently than you do now..." I say slowly._

"_You didn't clean my armor?" Arthur jokes._

"_I am serious."_

_When Arthur sees the way I am looking at him –liking I am gonna pass out- he smiles kindly and waits for me to say whatever I had to say._

"_I...You know that I would do anything for you, right? That I would never hurt you?" I begin with my voice barely audible. I don't wait for him to reply, I don't even look at him. "I do and I will do anything for you. But there is something you don't know about me."_

"_Just say it already Merlin. It can't be that bad." Arthur says warmly._

_I sigh. "I...I am...I have magic." I say. Finally._

_Arhur laughs. "Haha right! Me too."_

"_I am serious." I say try to pull myself together. Because I swear all I want is for him to accept me and that waiting is killing me. Even though it's for seconds. Even though I was already waiting for years._

_As Arthur doesn't say anything, I finally look at him. I think this is the moment when he realizes that I am actually serious. To be sure –and now that I still can- I decide to show him. I do that fire spell I saw to Gilli. _

_Arthur stares at my hand. He steps a little back, with his eyes gogled. "Oh my God." He whispers. I think he said that- his voice is too low._

"_I now how you feel about magic, but just remember that...You said it yourself. We are friends. Remember that I am your friend, Arthur. Please."_

"_Friends?" Arthur hisses. "We are not even close to friends Merlin! You are...How could you do this to me?"_

"_All I do to you, is protecting you. I think you know that." I whisper._

"_I know nothing apparently. You betrayed me." Arthur mumbles pacing around the room, always keeping his distance from me._

"_I...Please Arthur. Trust me I-"_

"_Trust you? How in the hell can I trust you?" he cuts me of._

"_Because I am your friend." I say, trying not to cry._

"_Oh really? Friends don't lie to each other about who they are Merlin." Arthur yells._

_I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. What can I say?_

"_Are you going to kill me?" I finally say._

_Arthur looks at me straight in the eyes for the first time after I told him who I was. He seems surprised at my question._

"_Kill you? How could you...?" he sighs. "You lied to me about who you were and God knows for what else. You ask me to trust you, but you can't and you don't trust me. Does this sound like friendship to you Merlin?"_

_I don't know how I feel, what to say. He's right. _

"_Don't stress yourself. I don't want to hear anything anyway. All I want is for you to leave. Leave Camelot. I just don't want to see you ever again." Arthur's words cut me like knives._

That's just one version of what I think is going to happen. But he won't accept me for sure. He will make me leave or he will kill me.

But what is going to him if I leave? Will he be strong? Will he be who I always believed he would? Or all these lies will turn him to his so hatred father? Is he gonna surive alone? Who is gonna watch over him when I'm gone?

Or is this all one version of how he's gonna react?

All I know is that it was never a good time to tell him the truth. If I had told him a couple years ago he would have killed me, like his father told him to. If I tell him now, now that he trust me, now that we are friends, he will hate me that's what I want to believe.

So I don't tell him. And I won't not any time soon anyway. I have way many things to lose...

The sound of the door brings me back to me reality. But the wonder still carries on.

_What if I told you who I really was? What if I told you what was really going on?  
>No more masks and no more parts to play ...<em>

_Theres so much I want to say  
>But Im so scared to give away<br>Every little secret that I hide behind  
>Would you see me differently?<br>And would that be .such...a bad thing  
>I wonder what it would be like<br>If I told you..._


End file.
